The Things We've Learned, Author Interview with Jaimie Kelton and Robin Hopkins, If These Ovaries Could Talk

If These Ovaries Could Talk: The Things We’ve Learned About Making An LGBTQ Family

Now available in all formats. If These Ovaries Could Talk: The Things We’ve Learned About Making An LGBTQ Family. Amazon (Hardcover, Paperback, Ebook & Kindle Unlimited), Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, IndieBound, more.

Jaimie and Robin, the creators and hosts of the popular podcast If These Ovaries Could Talk realized the world needed to know there was more than one way to make an LGBTQ family. Each of their families came about in different ways, so how many other stories were out there? Turns out, lots. Inspired, the two friends launched their podcast asking LGTBQ families every question imaginable about their journeys to parenthood. Now the two hosts have written a book, If These Ovaries Could Talk: The Things We’ve Learned About Making An LGBTQ Family based on dozens of interviews to help address recurring questions that came up during their podcast. A humorously in-depth journey that is equal parts funny, serious, celebratory, cautionary, and powerful. In celebration of their release we sat down with Robin and Jaimie advance of their book release to chat about their book. It was a fun, insightful conversation and we hope you enjoy.

Let’s jump right in. Introducing each chapter, you both share your personal journeys captured in these wonderfully written author narrative vignettes. Is there one narrative story in particular that stayed with you?

JAIMIE: I love that you said wonderfully written.

ROBIN: Thank you.

JAIMIE: I think the one that sticks with me is talking to your kids about your family. There's a story from when I was walking my daughter to school, and a little girl teased her about not having a dad. That story was one of the easiest ones to write because I think a lot about how my daughter will have to go into the world differently, and how I will navigate that until she has her own ways of dealing with it.

ROBIN: The one that sticks with me is the one about my wife, Mary, and her concerns about being the non-bio mom. And the moment my daughter asked if she would be the same person if I had never gotten together with Mary, but I had used the same sperm donor to make her. I realized as I was writing it that no, she wouldn't be the same kid because my daughter is made up from so many influences from Mary even though she doesn't have her genetics. Our daughter is made from both of us.

From the subtitle, “The Things We've Learned”, could you share one or two things you've learned through your own experience producing and hosting your podcast and writing the book about making an LGBTQ family?

JAIMIE: I knew there were many ways we make our families, but I really didn't understand the vastness of how many ways there are - surrogacy and egg donors, adoption, fostering and fostering to adopt, and IVF, IUI and reciprocal IVF. There are so many ways, and we've all tried them.

ROBIN: I also didn't realize how many people were trying outside the medical pipeline. We're creating nontraditional families with friends or trying at home with what we call the “turkey baster” method. Before, I thought the path we took is how most two-mom families were created.

JAIMIE: Right, because your friends are the ones you know the most about, and Robin and I are in the same circle of friends. We all went about making our families pretty much the same way. So when we opened up the circle to all these other people throughout the world, we learned people are doing this all kinds of ways. That was eye-opening.

There are lots of parenting books in the market, but few we could find outside of the social sciences about nontraditional families and LGBTQ parents. Are you starting a literary movement?

ROBIN: Hell yes.

JAIMIE: I don't know if we're starting a literary movement as much as just trying to get our stories out there. And if that starts a literary movement, so be it.

ROBIN: And if that gets us on Ellen, so be it.

Did you have a specific reason or reasons for writing the If These Ovaries Could Talk book?

JAIMIE: We wrote this book because we wanted to get our stories out to even more people than we were reaching with the podcast. Our stories weren't out there, and we couldn't believe that.

ROBIN: We wanted to normalize and to highlight our families because like we always say, representation matters.

What was one of the most surprising things you learned in writing this book?

ROBIN: There are just so many different ways we make our families and so many different journeys that people have gone on. Even though there might be 25 people who used IUI to make a baby, their journeys were completely different. And I think that's so interesting. How the process of making our families is so different and varied.

You write in the book, “We don't take positions and try to woo you toward a conclusion about what our families are like because there is no one size fits all LGBTQ family.” How diverse are the families featured in the book?

ROBIN: So diverse. From single moms by choice to people who've created a family with friends (and that sometimes worked out well and sometimes didn’t) to traditional lesbian couples to traditional gay male couples to trans families.

JAIMIE: And families that started out in a heterosexual relationship or step-parents or families that started out as two lesbians and now it's a lesbian and trans dad or a lesbian and trans mom. So diverse, all different colors.

In the introduction, you write, “you'll be hearing straight from the mouths of the LGBTQ families about their journey”. How many stories?

JAIMIE: There are 42 families plus our own stories. And within those pieces, we hear different stories of their own throughout the book. So it's not just 42 stories.

ROBIN: It's 42 families and their stories.

You cover a broad spectrum of issues and topics throughout the book. Could you highlight one or two topics?

ROBIN: Jamie's making big eyes. So I'll go first. One of my favorite topics is being out as a family because it deals with something that's unexpected, in that you don't realize how out you have to be once you have kids. You can't hide that you're two moms walking into a school or into a daycare. But you also can't hide because your children are watching and it’s important to be out and proud as a family and teach your kids that.

JAIMIE: And also the chapter about talking to your kids about your family. It sticks with me now because I'm still talking to my kids about our LGBTQ family. It’s an ongoing truth in my life, explaining our family to my six-year-old and my two-year-old, and I don't know if that will ever stop.

ROBIN: My kids are 9 and 11, and we still talk about what it's like for them because they're out in the world and they're different. So we just keep aging the conversation up.

Is there a funny moment from the book you'd like to share?

JAIMIE: Patricia and Kellen's story when they were trying to use a known donor, and they were going to pick up the sperm from him, and he would leave the sperm in a bag on the windowsill. They would drive over on their Vespas, pick up the sperm, and bring it home.

ROBIN: They were worried the Vespa was going to ruin the sperm. Oh, I love that story.

Is there a particular heartwarming moment from the book you'd like to share?

JAIMIE: It's hard to pick just one. I would say that Tiq Milan. He’s a trans man who has a daughter and a wife. He had so many things to say that were heartwarming and powerful. Reading through his quotes warms my heart.

ROBIN: I would say there was a quote from Gary and Tony where they talk about being in a Burger King in Pennsylvania on a road trip. And they were very aware of being two dads with a young kid, and they were afraid they were being judged that they were doing something wrong with the child. Then an older woman came up and said something like, "My daughter's gay and it's just so nice to see your family." And after that moment their point of view has been, If you want to get to know us, come say hi. We're right here. I have goosebumps just thinking about that one.

Is there a specific quote from the book that stayed with you?

ROBIN: Staceyann Chin.

JAIMIE: I was going to say Staceyann! She says, "My daughter has always known and she'll tell you, ‘My sperm came from Baba and my egg came from my mom. Then the doctor put them together and like whisked them around. Then they put the egg back in my mom in her uterus. I was in there for like nine months, and the doctor could have cut me out, or I could have come out through the vagina. But I wouldn't come out through the vagina. Maybe because it was like icky. And so he had to cut the thing, and he pulled me out. When I came out, I didn't cry. And he was like, “Why isn’t she crying?” It was because I didn't have anything to cry about.’”

ROBIN: That's the one.

We're not going to give away the end of the book, but it's a wonderful tribute to LGBTQ families. What's one aspect from that chapter you'd like to share with your readers.

JAIMIE: It's important to note when it comes to LGBTQ families and people who might think folks like us shouldn't have children, none of our families are accidents. Every single family in this book took a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of money.

ROBIN: And intentionality. We have to be very intentional in making our families.

JAIMIE: Yes. And that is an important theme that runs throughout this book. It takes work to make our families and we're committed to it.

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Reviews

"I love this book. It's funny. It's heartwarming. It's endearing. And it's eye-opening in terms of what LGBTQ folks go through to make a family. But it's also really relevant to people like me who've gone through the fertility process at a doctor's office." - Amy Schumer

"Jaimie Kelton and Robin Hopkins are helping to empower a whole new generation of LGBTQ people, specifically LGBTQ women, as they navigate their journey towards parenthood." - Sarah Kate Ellis, President and CEO of GLADD

“Robin and Jaimie have put together a masterpiece. It’s funny. It’s informative. It’s brutally honest.” - Judy Gold

“The book highlights a wide array of different people and couples who share their family building journey. While many of the stories feature LGBTQ families that range from funny to moving, the book highlights just how much a family is a family no matter how they began.” - Jennifer "Jay" Palumbo, Forbes

Tune in to If These Ovaries Could Talk

Join Jaimie and Robin and tune-in to recent episodes of If These Ovaries Could Talk atwww.ovariestalk.com, follow online @ovariestalk (IG) and @ovariestalk (Twitter), and buy their new book, If These Ovaries Could Talk: The Things We’ve Learned About Making an LGBTQ Family.

Authors, Robin Hopkins, Ovaries Talk, Lit Riot Press News, Jaimie Kelton, HighlightLit Riot PressDecember 28, 2020Ovaries Talk, Ovaries Talk Book, If These Ovaries Could Talk